This spring will mark the 4th wedding anniversary for my husband and me. I’ve been reflecting on this event (yes, I know we are currently in the middle of winter – but what better time to reflect than when it’s freezing cold outside and I’m trying to stay warm and cozy inside!).
I’ve also been unpacking from our move last summer (we moved out of our apartment, storage unit, and the store where I was selling my antiques, so there’s a lot to unbox!), and beginning the decorating process in our adorable little mill house.
As I unpacked yet another box today, I came across some old poetry/lyrics of mine from 2010. I often write poetry/song lyrics as a way to take sermon notes in church and when I’m processing personal thoughts – the good, the bad, and the in-between. Some of the most challenging times in my life and some of the times where I experienced the most joy are where most of my poetry/lyrics are written.
This particular poem reminded me of God’s faithfulness in His timing and direction for my life, many times showing me that I should pass up on something good in order for the best to come later. This was true for me in my dating life, as God eventually led me towards my amazing husband.
A college boyfriend of mine and I were rather newly into our relationship, but taking it seriously, when I felt led during a summer break in college to seek the Lord’s will if we should continue our relationship. This young man and I started out as good friends, and then he asked if I would be interested in getting to know him more seriously as his girlfriend, to see if it might eventually lead towards a future together. Once they met, both of our families liked one another, and approved of us getting to know one another as a couple.
We promised each other at the beginning of the relationship that we would each strive to be as open and honest with the other person as possible, and if at any time one of us felt we wanted to go in another direction and discontinue the relationship, we would let the other person know this, rather than leading them on. We both had seen friends hurt by their boyfriend or girlfriend suddenly giving them the news, right when they thought things were really getting serious, that they actually had been wanting to break up for weeks/months, but didn’t know how to tell the other person without hurting them. My boyfriend and I agreed that this approach is actually much more hurtful than kind honesty, so we committed to honesty with one another in this matter, should one of us feel we needed to go a different direction.
So, fast forward to a little way into our relationship, when I had returned home to Florida for summer break, and I felt led to seek the Lord’s will if we should continue our relationship. It was strange, just a sudden feeling in my heart that, while I really liked my boyfriend a lot (we were careful not to use “the other L word” since we weren’t dating long enough yet to feel that was appropriate), I should really seek out the Lord’s direction and decide over the summer whether I should continue to date him when we returned to college late August or not. I saw myself at a crossroads, where it wasn’t a right and a wrong to decide between, but rather a good and best option to decide between. Remembering what we had decided upon early in the relationship, I called my boyfriend (we talked almost daily all summer, as newly dating couples are apt to do), and told him not to worry, but that I was seriously praying about some stuff, and appreciated that he do the same.
I was beginning to feel as though I did know the decision I had to make, but it was tough for me to do that, because my boyfriend was truly a kind Christian, a great guy, and didn’t have glaring flaws in the relationship. However, I was starting to think that I wasn’t sure I could see myself marrying him, because that would mean we planned to spend the rest of our lives together, and though he was super sweet, I just wasn’t sure I saw myself living in the same house with him the rest of my life mostly due to some personality differences and hobby/interest differences.
I had an incredible experience in church with my family one Sunday that summer.
This poem I wrote back on August 1, 2010, will tell you exactly what happened.
Looking For A NEON Sign – August 1, 2010
I felt a tug in my heart
From the Holy Spirit inside,
Encouraging me to look carefully
At a part of my life
And to make a decision
Whether or not to continue
The way I had been.
I thought about it many times
And it was often on my mind
As I prayed and asked God
To show me the way.
I sought godly advice
From my parents
And others in my family
And from a friend
That has long been
Like a sister to me.
I considered their advice
And tried to see things
From their points of view
As I began to form my decision
As to what I believed
God was wanting me to do.
Once I was almost sure
I became more confident
In what God was asking me to do.
I heard Him say
In multiple ways
“What you’re doing now is good, My Child,
But I want the best for you.”
I prayed for a much more obvious sign,
Asking God to make me
100% sure of what I should do.
I was looking for a neon sign,
Wanting to be sure of what was right,
I didn’t want to jump in without knowing
That was exactly what God wanted me to do.
One Sunday I was sitting in my home church,
Listening to my pastor as he preached,
When he said something that caused me
To perk up in my seat.
He said, “Young people,
Some of you are in a relationship
With someone who is good,
But isn’t the best God has for you.”
If that wasn’t a neon sign,
I’ve never seen one before,
So though the final answer
Was a little bit painful,
I was able to still smile
And thank the Lord
For answering my prayers
With a neon sign,
In the right direction.
It’s incredible to me to look back on God’s faithfulness and see how He had an amazing husband who was a great fit for me whom I began dating about 3 years later (oh, and long story, but my former boyfriend indirectly introduced us…perhaps that’s a story for another blog post!).
I am still in the process of learning this, and probably always will be, but sometimes saying no to something that’s indeed good leads to something much better down the road. We must reach out in faith and listen to what the Lord puts into our life, whether subtle or a “neon sign,” in order to do what He wants us to do, for our good and His glory.